I wasn’t going to blog or record today. Something I decided on Tuesday after realizing I would be making back-to-back trips to Duarte and the City of Hope.
The drive can be exhausting. Traffic is always a challenge. Just knowing you have to be somewhere at a specific time is enough to compound whatever anxiety you are experiencing. And, that’s precisely what I was feeling when Lesley and I arrived at the City of Hope for one of my “normal” follow-up appointments early this morning.
The good news is it was a great visit. My numbers were good and my doctor was smiling. My numbers were good enough for me to stop taking the anti-rejection I went back on when my Graft vs Host Disease flared up. Good enough for him to stop the anti-fungal and anti-viral medications I am currently taking. That is incredibly positive news. It means I’m getting better. Stronger.
It also means there is a chance that without those medications the GvHD may flare up again.
Let’s Try This…
That’s when a concept like, “Let’s try this and see what happens…” can result in more fear and anxiety than joy.
When that happens, you have to ask yourself: What do you do with that fear and anxiety? And, the answer has to be, you accept it and move on.
No one understood or expressed that better than Kobe Bryant. Here’s what he had to say in one of my favorite quotes.
“I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it.”anxietyfearKobe Bryanttrafficwait and see