I returned home this past Wednesday after having spent seventeen of the past twenty-six days in the hospital. Two hospitalizations. The first, seven days. The second, ten. After more testing—by more ologists—than any of us should ever experience, it was finally determined that both events were probably triggered by an episode of Graft vs Host Disease (GvHD). The good news is we now know what to do if it happens again.
I’m not going to lie. Both hospitalizations, although different, were brutal in their own right. The second, more so than the first. Perhaps, because it required a difficult and unusual procedure required to drain fluid from the pericardial sack surrounding the heart. In all honesty, it was good I was either so out of it I was unable to comprehend what was going on or too dumb to recognize just how much trouble I was in! Either way, I made it. But not without spending a fair amount of time contemplating the concept of patterns. The habits we embrace that help bring structure to our lives.
Structure, Habits, and Patterns
So much of what we do can be scrutinized in terms of these patterns. But that isn’t what captured my attention. What fascinates me is the difficulty involved in establishing these habits and the apparent ease with which they can be broken. How hard it is to find a groove. How easy it is for that groove to become a rut. For it to be broken. And, just how difficult—perhaps, even impossible—for us to find our way back to the same patterns once abandoned.
This is exactly what I experienced through both hospitalizations. I was blogging more or less regularly until I could no longer blog. Until I was physically and mentally unable to focus sufficiently to share my thoughts and feelings. Now, I’m fighting to re-establish some old patterns and/or to create a set of new ones.Graft vs Host DiseaseGvHDhabitsmultiple hospitalizationspatterns